20.9.16

Mind portal ///

There is a lot of stigma surrounding schizophrenia and it's the definite reason for my silence. It's been so inappropriately demonized (& I mean that quite literally, most major religions are the first to claim demons or Satan, I know this from experience) that even your own doctors will tell you to keep it to yourself. I don't know how many doctors have told me something along the lines of 'if you can go undetected, it's better that nobody knows unless they are actively helping you with your treatment'. This has always made sense to me because even without this dark cloud of stigma hanging over me when it comes to the general population, people find a way to vilify me anyway. I don't really need more stress added to that department. I know that if I dressed stereotypically average and did my best to blend in with societal norms, my diagnosis wouldn't be nearly as bastardized but I can't help it. It's not something that interests me. And I feel like I already do so much to 'fly under the radar' that there really wouldn't be anything left of who I truly am, were I to start conforming to that extent. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense here or just rambling on. I know that maybe I'm not being helpful, but that's really my intent here. I would like to give some sort of insight into this illness. I would also like to be more open and stop secluding myself from the world. Build better friendships and communication skills. These are what I aim to accomplish with this blog. I hope I can. Somehow. I spend so much time locked away inside myself and it burdens me. I don't necessarily want to be an advocate of any type, but I do want to contribute in some manner. We'll see how this goes I guess.